Michelle Duggar gave birth to her 19th child earlier today by c-section.Â Rumors of Tiger Woods' sex addiction have filled the blogosphere, talk shows, celebrity gossip organs, and small minds.
Michelle Duggar had achieved fame earlier by being the mother of 18 children.Â On the Duggar Web site they quote from Psalm 127:Â â€œLo children are a heritage of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is His reward.â€Â Apparently they have been rewarded beyond their expectations.
NNN researchers are working on a couple of rumors.Â First is the ever persistent prolapsed uterus story.Â As of press time NNN staffers have not been able to validate this story.Â There are tantalizing tales of pictures and video with sound that staffers are currently running down.
More disturbing is the fertility enhancement story.Â Anonymous sources close to the family have said that it's an open secret that the Duggars hold conception parties where as many as 50 men have unprotected sex with Duggar in order to increase the chances of conception during her fertile periods.Â NNN emphasizes that this story has not been substantiated.Â Dr. Grizbor Tznucq, DDS, JD, DVM says "It's a well accepted practice in animal husbandry to introduce as many males as possible to a receptive female in order to enhance litter size."
Meanwhile, ABC News has remarked, "Reports of alleged sexual encounters in a church parking lot, after watching a Tom Hanks movie, and with two porn stars, a lingerie model and a breakfast waitress -- among others -- were quickly followed this week by headlines and talk-show guests wondering aloud if the world's No. 1 golfer, Tiger Woods, is a 'sex addict.' [quotes theirs]"Â Â Dr. Grizbor Tznucq, JD, DVM, DDS offered the following:Â "The Maltese sex drive is world famous.Â It's not just an urban legend.Â The Maltese Tourist Authority advises foreign women not to go outdoors without a body guard.Â The ubiquitous tales about Maltese shepherds and goat herds are not exaggerated.Â Woods needs to come clean about his Maltese origins even though it would mean giving up his Masters jacket and Nobel Short Game Prize."Â
Next week look for a debate moderated by NNN's own Digger Burrows between Grizbor Tznucq (left) and an as yet unnamed Woods staffer on the Maltese Birth question.Â This picture of a Maltese cat (far left) is included because NNN research indicates that pictures of cats increase the hit count on stories like these.
The question that we've been batting around here at NNN Intergalactic Headquarters is "Is Tiger Woods a bigger sex addict than Michelle Duggar?"Â We've had to send a couple of our more passionate staffers to opposite ends of the NNN Tower after they disagreed in a manner that exceeded the bounds of propriety.Â Woods supporters argue that Duggar can't be a sex addict because her sexcapades are within marriage for the purpose of conception while most of Woods' work has been enthusiastically recreational.Â In addition, Woods partisans argue that if the story about Woods having sex after a Tom Hanks movie is true there can be no doubt that Woods suffers from the dread compulsion.Â Duggar's supporters say that her 19 offspring--all believed to be human--are the result of a large (admittedly not reliably enumerated) amount of coitus and that she may easily have Woods beaten in both frequency and total number of encounters.Â Until we get hard facts the jury is out.Â NNN is sparing no expense in instrumentation and telemetry in order to get some hard numbers.Â We'll report as soon as we reach stastical significance.
In a related development NNN has determined that the rumor that Tiger Woods had sex with Tom Hanks is totally unfounded and that the notorious video that's now making the rounds is really a doctored excerpt from an episode of Bosom Buddies.Â
The picture below of a c-section is not of Michelle Dugger.Â NNN did not manage to place aphotographer in the delivery room.Â We included this picture purely to pander to gore voyeurs.Â Pretty gross, eh guys?
by NNN Celebrity Unprotected Sex for the Purpose of Procreation and Celebrity Sex Rumor Correspondent Nippy Katz