Pringles, the snack item that comes in a can reminiscent of the ones used for tennis balls, have been recalled. Two soi-disant "flavors," Restaurant Cravers Cheeseburger and Family Faves Taco Night are being removed from store shelves due to possible salmonella contamination according to the manufacturer, well known Satanist front Proctor and Gamble. NNN has received reports of black clad P & G operatives breaking into homes and tossing ordinary citizens' pantries in an effort to retrieve the substance.
NNN's Food Critic Bozo Miller remarked "For years there's been a lively debate among competitive eaters as to whether Pringles ought to be included in the food or non-food category. I believe that they should be classified with scrap metal and glass shards in eating competitions. They have a very high inorganic chemical content. There's a lot of research showing that the human body cannot metabolize them." Miller went on to say, "Some of us believe that the FDA has been paid off. Pringles should be sold in hardware stores and lumber yards, not on the chip aisle in grocery stores. I wonder about the salmonella since it's not likely that salmonella could live on Pringles."
NNN staffers have scanned some Pringles labels. Here is the complete ingredients list of the Restaurant Craver Cheeseburger variety: Recycled post consumer waste mica, iron filings, silicon dioxide, rat droppings, cockroach abdominal cilia, cadmium (for color,) yellow #47. According to P & G spokesperson, Roy Cohn, this variety used to contain artificial flavoring but has not since 2006. Cohn did say that there may be some of the 2006 and earlier product on store shelves since it's, for all practical purposes, non-perishable.